8 Steps & Only 8 Texts To Make Him Run a Mile!

I know you’re thinking of having one of those psycho chick outbursts, or you have unfortunately already had one, if not you wouldn’t be reading this. We don’t help ourselves; in this ear of mobile phones, internet & social media it is pretty damn hard to get someone of your mind and even harder when you can tell they have blatantly ignored you! Okay you sent a text and didn’t get a reply, that’s fine, you can calm your sh*t down! But wait, what is this?! He can’t reply with a simple “I’m busy” but has time to post a life-story-of-a-facebook-update on how bored he is. Well “naaaaaahhh” you can’t be having any of that. Well chill. Recognise the crazy bitch is coming before she gets there because once she has taken over you I can promise you will only be left feeling regretful.

Stage 1. Oh okay, I just got ignored there, should I send another?  NO PLEASE DON’T SEND ANOTHER.

Stage 2. Look at all the F*CKS I give, does it look like I care?!!@@ Unfortunately honey, yes, yes you do!

Stage 3. I’m never speaking to him again! There goes his number!!@ Bye, Bye!!!

Stage 4. What if he has been in an accident… He could be hurt, or worse… Starting to panic now?

Stage 5. OH HELL NO BITCH! His Whatsapp says he was a live 13 minutes ago!@@@@@

Stage 6. The psychotic breakdown…

Stage 7. You get angry, not just a little angry, but a lot angry…

Stage 8. Being angry isn’t enough, you’re going to tell him exactly what it is you think of him! At this point it’s best if everyone just stays out of your way! Ooops

So i tested all of these out. Yes loyal readers, that’s right I made someone think I am a total loon just for you guys! Just to see if there was any salvaging yourself from the wreckage, but the truth is once he labels you a nutter the chances are he will always just be waiting for you to break even if he he does talk to you again…

First thing is first m’dears, calm the F down. Mrs “Queen of over reactions” has struck and made you appear all psycho chick (which by the way you totally are) but can you save?! Here is what I have learned:

This next part all depends on your level of crazy, testing this out it took me 3 attempts to really make it an unbearable wreck of crazy that nobody wants to succumb to ever again. I should probably tell you a little bit more about ‘Mr S’ I didn’t go crazy on a total stranger, Mr S is/was my ‘it’s-only-lust’ booty call. It was really intense and we had some pretty great sex but it was purely physical and when the flame started to die out as with every solely based sex relationship I thought he would be the perfect test subject for this, no one gets hurt, no one loses out.

The first level of crazy; he just ignored one text, okay being ignored is never nice, especially when all I wanted was to get him over and in my bed, but I decided to go stage 1,2,5 & 7. I sent another, then another and then went into a big rant of how he is not worth my time, I’m not having him ignore me when he doesn’t want sex and a simple no would suffice and it took about 2 days and he was all up for it again.

The second level of crazy. At this point we had slept together maybe 2 or 3 more times and I’m getting to the stage where although the sex is good it’s not fun and exciting anymore so we need to bump up the crazy and see if I can find out how much crazy it takes to get a man to give up. I went pretty extreme, did most of the 8 stages and the texts became essays and I even went so far as to tell him I was actually crazy. However again within a week he was up for being in my bed. I am adamant at this point that there is a level of crazy that he must draw the line at!!

My third and final level of crazy. Only for Mr S. Because we were all about sex that probably had a rather high reason why he didn’t bail at the second level of crazy, men are sex mad (I am too but that’s another story)! But nothing drives a man away more than a clingy, crazy, needy woman who changes her mind quicker than you can say psycho chick. I went full blown out of this world crazy on his ass!! I told him I couldn’t sleep with him again. I then decided to rage at him for ignoring me, then though maybe I should change my mind, and I told him I liked him way more than I should (considering I hardly know the guy this is a big NO) and to top it all of I changed my mind again and then apologized and then got angry. I probably should mention I even chucked a crazy chick phone call in there to sweeten the deal (surprise, surprise that call got rejected). That my lovelies is how you get him to leave you the hell alone and be labelled a psycho chick by someone, okay I admit this was a week ago but I can’t see myself (thank god) hearing from Mr S again and if I do that says more about him than it does me. but just in case you guys aren’t experimenting and do want to hear from your ‘Mr s’ here’s how…

Start by don’t text him again… even to apologize, if he wants to talk to you he will but you can’t force it! Don’t be creeping through his instagram pics thinking ‘who the hell is that hoe’ NO! Get him off your mind. Go ahead and sulk for a minute then once you have rationalized all your thoughts realize the only thing to do is leave it!

A Man and his Bottom

So a man and his bottom is somewhat of a hard subject to approach. But the scientific fact is that a man’s G-spot is in is bum!

  
 Okay at first it’s a bit of a strange idea, I mean I  had never even entertained the idea of licking, putting a finger up there or putting anything else up there for that matter; but I had read about it. 

Then one night whilst giving my man oral sex I started massaging his ass with my finger then slowly slipped it up, I think I surprised him just as much as I surprised myself! I couldn’t believe how much pleasure I got from pleasuring him in a way he hadn’t felt before but it was obvious by the deep groans and smile that he really enjoyed it. 

  
So here are 5 myths that are commonly misunderstood when your man wants some anal stimulation: 

1) He’s gay – just because he likes his bum played with does NOT in any way, shape or form make him gay, don’t worry about it, don’t fret, it is perfectly normal, men and women both get pleasure from anal stimulation and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!

2) It’s dirty (quite literally) – it’s not as dirty down there as you may think, if your too worried don’t do it but to put your mind at rest the lower part of the rectum me the anus actually have very little fecal material in them and as long as they have fairly good personal hygiene in the first place it shouldn’t be a problem.

3) It Hurts – so if you’ve found yourself or your partner trying and failing and walking away vowing never to go back then you can’t be doing it right! Make sure you use lube, go slowly and don’t start of with the biggest thing to you can find then complain it doesn’t fit! Start of small and work your way up!

4) Physically Loosening You Up – so people often thing that once you put something up there then it’s never the same and it can cause irreparable damage to your bottom. This isn’t true, your anus is a muscle and the more you exercise it the stronger it becomes! Okay I’ll admit you don’t want to just shove something huge up there and have your bottom collapse on you but if your sensible it won’t. 

5) Your Bottom Isn’t Created For Sexual Thrills – what a load of bollocks, gender has nothing to do with it; the fact is that anal sex in men and women can feel damn good. Your bum has a high number of responsive and sensitive nerve endings that when stimulated can feel like heaven, trust me! 

Love, Like & Booty Calling… Does he really like you?

Every girl at one point in there life asks themselves ‘does he really like me?’ It’s almost as if it’s a right of passage into woman hood, your first crush, your first kiss, your first boyfriend, we can’t help but wonder. Will it last or is it just a fling? I need a sign to show me he is worth the effort, I want him to show me this is something more than just a booty call each Saturday night.

is it just a fling?

• So if you have slept with this guy, gone over for a bit of fun or if one thing just lead to another the big question is did you stay the night? Or did he at least want you to? If he didn’t you were just a bit of fun, and if he did then that doesn’t mean he loves you, it doesn’t even mean he likes you but it means he didn’t want you to leave at the crack of dawn and would probably do it again some time

 

• Does he text, call or make the effort to talk to you, and that doesn’t mean have you sent him a million texts and he eventually decided to reply, it means does he text you good morning to show your the first thing on his mind when he wakes up, does he ask how your day has been?

• What does he want to talk about? If it’s hobbies, interests or general flirting then the chances are he is interested…. If it’s asking what you’re wearing or all about sex then he is most definitely interested… But only interested in getting into your pants… Trust me girls, booty calls can be fun but they’re not because he likes you!!

 

• How often do you speak? Everyday? Once a week? Once a month? You know he likes you if he can’t keep you off his mind and sends you messages at least every other day.

• When you’re with him does he touch you? No I’m not on about sex, but will he put his arm around you, hug you when you leave, touch you on the shoulder, take note of his body language it can say way more than what you may think.

 

Sex, Lies and One Night Stands

There’s only so much skill required into charming and duping a women to have sex with you, but what men don’t realize is sometimes all the women may want is sex! No, this does not make her a whore, she may like having her hair pulled, being spanked and talking dirty but it makes her AWESOME! Women have “needs” too! And a bit of fun never hurt anybody.

Women have “needs” too!

But what happens when you talk dirty to a guy but want it to go no further? when you’re in a relationship but have some fun on the side? How do you get rid of the one night stand you just don’t want to see anymore? Did you get drunk and never want to hear from him again? Okay it can be awkward, but here is four simple things you can do to get him to leave you alone!

• The shameful morning after. – (assuming numbers were exchanged) text him letting him know what an idiot you have been, apologize for embarrassing yourself! he may be sitting there thinking it was fun but you have then got him thinking about what an idiot you really were, he will think of the flaws and start to cringe

• Bad Sex – okay don’t be to harsh but don’t let him think it was amazing, tell him he can do better or it was “meh” or simply just ask if that was it? He will make an excuse for it not being all it was made up to be but that’s men, thinking they can always do it better!

• Make him think you’re in it 100% – Okay men like the chase but what if you give him nothing to chase? tell him you want him over again, make him think you want it to go somewhere… if he doesn’t answer your calls or your text straight away get up in his grill about it. I’m not saying go all crazy bitch on his ass but I’m saying put some subtle desperation in there, the sex appeal will fly right out of the window and to another planet…

• Give up – by now he must be having second thoughts, the man doesn’t want a needy, clingy woman who thinks he’s not all that in the bedroom, tell him you’re giving up on the both of you, he will be greatful and you dont have to hear from him ever again!

The implant… size 2 to size 10

So I got the implant put in as contraceptive, great huh?! No more having to remember my pill, not having to worry about any contraceptive for 3 years, I thought this was a no brainer! the side effects didn’t look too bad and I thought it’s worth a try fo’sho’ but damn girl, I was wrong.

Having it put in was the easy part, I’m not a squeamish person and having a matchstick sized thing put into my arm didn’t seem too bad and it really wasn’t then a month in my clothes got a bit tight but it was around Christmas time and I thought over eating in this merry period is normal… and by February (3months in) I couldn’t fit into anything it was like a blink of an eye and I was 16kg heavier, I didn’t even notice it go on, my bras went from a 30B to a staggering 34DD okay my boyfriend wasn’t complaining at that part but unfortunately my big boobs came hand in hand with my tree trunk thighs, flabby belly and stretch marks.

WHAT 20 YEAR OLD HAS STRETCH MARKS?! Sheesh. So only 2 more weeks to wait and my implant will be coming out, and by the end of summer maybe I will get my beach body back just in time to get some Sun and show off my originally petite body, if anyone has any slimming tips let me know! Or share your experience with the implant in the comments below. Thanks guys

Love & Sex Coupon FREE

So my coupons have been such a success that I thought I would make some more!! However before I do I thought I would ask you guys if there is anything you would like me to put on them, add in, or something special or personalized before I make more templates. Use the contact page or feel free to comment. Thanks guys!!

Great DIY Presents For Him!! <3

Hey Guys & Gals!!!! My previous set of coupons were such a success that I thought I’d make you some different designs! Here are some free templates for some coupons for your special someone 😉

These are a great fun way of steaming up your love life a bit and making those erotic fantasies come true! I made some sex/love coupons for my partner to use and thought I would share them with you so you could use them too! They a great novelty gift to put in a stocking for xmas or just as an I love you gift, you can use them for birthdays, valentines day or any ordinary day and you can make your own so easily!!

You will need:

• some nice card or paper, I got a pack of pastel card from the works for only $1
• A hole punch
• 20cm of ribbon of your choice, I used a navy blue polka dot ribbon
• One pair of scissors
• Printer

All you have to do is print off the coupons onto your card or paper. I have put the printable coupons underneath. Neatly cut them out! Once they have been cut out punch a hole using the hole punch through the black marker on all of the coupons. using the ribbon tie them together in a neat bow and they are done. Super easy and super sexy. your partner will love them!

How did you celebrate Valentines Day?!!!!

So I had a wonderful Valentines with my man, 100 candles lit in the flat, a total fire hazard but also totally worth it; the atmosphere was just lush! There was romantic music playing in the background softly and the smell of my favorite meal coming from the kitchen. It was perfect. He is perfect (imperfections and all). And to go along with such a lovely evening I got a beautiful Rose Gold bracelet from H Samuel.

How did you spend valentines? Share your romantic (or if you really want, tragic) stories!!!!

  

CBB’s Perez Hilton – THE FAUX GLADIATOR

Every time CBB launches a new series most celebrities that enter the house are virtually unheard of but this year they really have an adequately well known, rather controversial bunch, and now we have reached 2k15 and this is (in my opinion) the most entertaining Big Brother since the love affair of Davina MacCall and Chanel 4’s BB.

So we begin with the most talked about contestant on the show, Perez Hilton! When he first entered the house I was super excited, Perez has always been an idol of mine being one of the most successful bloggers there is, he is fun and has such an envious lifestyle; much better than my dreary Suffolk country girl life, but watching the show and hearing what the housemates have to say about each other behind there back and to their faces is when you see who, in this case being one of my idols, really is, and decide whether they are worthy of your admiration or not; and in answer to this I am generally shocked, in some ways disgusted and in some ways completely entertained, Perez is blatantly a lot to handle, and could I live with him 24/7 7 days a week? Maybe not, but he’s really going for it, he is purposefully causing arguments, he knows exactly what he is doing, it’s his game plan and yeah some may call it ‘manipulative’ but let’s face it if CBB was a bunch of wino’s (like Cami) sitting around chatting sh*t, drinking and doing sweet F.A then we would be bored out of our minds, reality T.V is there to entertain us and this guy knows it! We want it to be fun and exciting and everybody loves watching a bit of drama! On the contrary I will say some of the things Perez has done he has taken too far, breathing on Alexander’s food and winding the poor guy up was a step in the wrong direction. Alexander didn’t have to take it so personally and get so wound up, yes he could have taken “the high road” but if I was him I would of flipped a long time before it got to that. I think the last straw for me would have been the coughing while people were asleep incident, but that’s purely down to the fact that I can’t stand being interrupted while I am sleeping; though I am a pretty deep sleeper so I’m not sure it would have woken me. To conclude on Perez Hilton I feel that I can some him up in a singular quote that gives meaning to his whole time in the house… Gladiator – Maximus:  Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

Perez Hilton’s worst quality in the house: Constantly saying ‘I’m scared for my safety.’ I’m sure even Perez can admit he was being a bit of a drama queen.

Perez Hilton’s best quality in the house: He gives us the drama we want to see, can be a douche but he’s in it to win it and everybody loves a fighter!